Inheritance Guilt: What It Is and How to Honor a Legacy Without Losing Yourself in the Process

Most people expect that an inheritance will bring peace of mind—and in many ways, it can. But there’s a quieter, more complicated emotion that sometimes comes with it: guilt.

I recently met with a client—71 years old—who shared something deeply human. Her 95-year-old mother has done an incredible job of saving, and when the time comes, she’ll be inheriting a significant portion of her estate. She wasn’t celebrating it—far from it. She said, “I feel awful even thinking about it, but I know this money will change our lives.”

This feeling has a name: inheritance guilt. And if you’ve felt it too, you’re not alone.

It’s the emotional tension between gratitude and grief, relief and responsibility. It’s the discomfort of benefiting from someone’s passing—even when you never wished for it, and even when they intended for you to have it.

So what do you do with that feeling? Here are a few ways to reframe and respond:

1. Remember: This is a Gift, Not a Transaction

Your loved one didn’t save money just for the sake of saving. They saved with intention. They likely knew they wouldn’t spend it all—and they probably found peace in knowing it would go to someone they love. Accepting that gift is not selfish. It’s honoring their planning.

2. Channel the Gift Into Purpose

One way to work through the emotional weight is to give part of the gift away in their honor:

• Support a cause they loved (animal shelter, local church, community scholarship).

• Create a donor-advised fund in their name.

• Set up a small giving tradition—like making an annual donation on their birthday.

Even small gestures can turn guilt into gratitude and action.

3. Use the Money to Support Others

If you're in a good place financially, consider using part of the inheritance to help others:

• Help a grandchild with education expenses.

• Fund a family vacation to create new memories.

• Support a loved one going through hard times.

Helping your family with the resources your parent left behind is a beautiful way to extend their legacy.

4. Say Thank You—Your Way

Sometimes the best way to cope with inheritance guilt is to simply acknowledge it:

• Write your parent a letter, even if they're no longer here.

• Keep something symbolic, like a framed quote or photo, in your home.

• Say a prayer of gratitude or light a candle on special days.

  
  
  
  

It’s not about moving on. It’s about moving forward—with love